- Me: Why do they let you have a mustache only?
- Daniel, my friend who recently got hired as an undertaker but only under the circumstance that he'd shave off his iconic, 5-year-strong beard (however, mustaches are allowed): I don't know. I guess to look good for the recently deceased's family? Personally, if it were my dead relative, I'd want a guy with a big fuckoff beard. "This guy clearly understands the dead. Please usher my loved one into the beyond."
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