DOUG MARTSCH: Lift
This album is an inarguable fall staple. I plan to bake a loaf of pumpkin bread to bring into work Thursday and basically win over everyone’s hearts, including Macauly Culkin’s.
Alanna: Yeah, you should just date a celebrity.
Me: I guess so.
Alanna: Or fuck that. Date someone rich.
Alanna: Someone with a big bank account. And a big—
In unison: (redacted)!
September seems to be working more in my favor than those stupid July and August months.