I wonder if he just thought he was in a romantic movie?– Mom
tomoatmeal: A good joke to do at work is when some guy hands you a file, drop your arm down and say, “Oh wow! This file weighs a ton! How much work are you giving me!?” Then when he’s having lunch, take a gun and run up to the guy like you’re going to kill him, but just fire some bullets into the wall behind him. (He will think you are angry about the paperwork!)
A fine way to tend to a lumpy lymph node
is copious amounts of alcohol. Trust me. Today I plan to execute Tofurky chili (hell yeah leftovers!), knock out my stories, clean Pantera’s diet-protests all over the house (ew, YES, so much for the fat girl food I purchased for her) and read this terrifying book in its entirety for my … graphic design class? Yeah. I feel I have come to a lot of clarity but at the same time, I feel...
10 year olds are weird
guests: *talking amongst themselves*
dad: Maddy, do you want to take a small sip of wine?
maddy: Yes. *takes sip*
dad: How is it?
maddy: I've had better.
My way of being patriotic/social during this sacred holiday is sleeping on the floor of my family’s living room while the rest of the Grimms are watching the Packers game and I’m five wine glasses deep. Before 2 p.m. Bike ride with Poppy later. Hoo-wow.
Whilst riding in the car, listening to Christmas music...
Caitlin: Oh man, I love hymns.
Shane: Good thing - because it would be really awkward for me if you loved hers.
Bank Lady: Hey! So you go see Twilight this weekend?
Me: Uh. What?
Bank Lady: I just remember you liking Harry Potter a lot so I assumed.
stuff this hipster hates: distilled hipness
kevynryan: The definition of a hipster hinges on his or her level of awareness. I think the term “finger on the pulse” is appropriate. A hipster prides himself not only on flexibility and open-mindedness for the new, interesting, and eccentric, but also on the bank of knowledge he stores in order to form quick, sweeping, and lasting opinions on the new and not-so-interesting or...
You can’t play checkers on houndstooth!– I bet to differ.
So much keeps happening that basically spells
“Beca Grimm, get the fuck out of Jacksonville.” *Note: This ain’t a depressing revelation. The opposite, in fact. Moving along and progression are some of the most exciting adventures one could ask for.
katherine: 52books: The Rolling Stones - You...
When the old features editor visits the office on...
Me: Oh, whatever, you monochromatic--
Jason: And you! Seriously, did you get your pants from Steve Albini's yard sale?
... Entire newsroom erupts in laughter.
Jason: Aw, shut up! None of you even know who that is! Only we do!
... He next pulled me aside to tell me he really did think my jeans were swell and proceeded to show me the live footage from the particular Big Black performance in which Albini rocked similar ones. I'm proud to have replaced a real riotous snob.
Legitimate e-mail I got at my Spinnaker address.
Subject: Story Idea: Are you prepared for Thanksgiving Eve? Hi, Thanksgiving Eve… It goes without saying that old friends, long awaited reunions, hook-ups with old flings and of course a generous amount of alcohol will be all inevitable. So whether its your first Thanksgiving Eve, or you’re a seasoned veteran, make sure you are prepared, because once Thanksgiving is in the air you just...
These are some of the things that kids I...
Girl: Are you in high school?
Boy: Are you 16?
Girl: You got kids?
Girl: Do you go to clubs?
Boy: Or do you go to house parties? You look like you go to house parties.
Me: What does that even mean, "I look like I go to house parties?"
Girl: Do you get down Ms. Campbell?
Me: What? Guys, focus on your work please.
Boy: Are you married?
Girl: Do you live with your boyfriend?
Me: No. Get to work.
Girl: Do you live by yourself?
Me: Come on guys, do the assignment.
Boy: Are you 18?
Girl: Are you 28?
Boy: How old are you?
Me: It doesn't really matter.
Girl: I bet she's 17.
Me: I couldn't have this job if I was 17.
Boy: When you were little, did you want to be a substitute teacher when you grew up?
Me: Yes. It's all I dreamed about.
Me: No. I don't even want to be one right now.
Good thing it's immediate. Also, good thing I'm 21...
Music Editor Job Code : 1189 Division : Editorial Location : Costa Mesa CA US 92626 Job Type : Full Time Career Level : Experienced (Non-Manager) Education : Bachelor’s Degree Category : Arts, Entertainment, and Media Job Description : OC Weekly has an...
More like ‘Top 5 Things I Don’t Give a Shit About.’ Number...– I love Alicia.
A nixed selection for this week's Top 5.
“I Can’t Make You Love Me” by Bonnie Raitt A real go-to track on Tallahassee’s 98.9 The Breeze, if I remember correctly from my childhood. This fire-haired, veteran songstress had one thing down besides that mystifying mane of hers, it was that adult-contemporary goodness. I guess I ought to go ahead and admit you might not dig this one if you didn’t attend elementary school during the mid to...
Have you ever noticed how right when you recognize how great and perfectly...– Daisy (Yes.)